Managing Difficult People

I came across the following article and thought that almost everyone could use some of this advice.

Managing Difficult People

Is there someone in your workplace a dominant manager, a difficult co-worker, or maybe even a demanding client or customer who drives you crazy? If you have to work with difficult people every day, you probably dread going to work each morning. What's more, you might get so stressed that you can't concentrate on the job.

Difficult people and situations exist in every workplace. They all have one thing in common. You must address them.

Characterizing them can help separate the person from the behavior. Difficult people can be characterised as follows:

• The snake can gossip about or criticize others' personal lives or engage in inappropriate public disagreements. This can pollute personal relations and the work environment, and bring the organization into disrepute.
  The shark can display similar characteristics to the snake but acts subversively, such as withholding information, advancing irrational excuses for incomplete work, and harassing colleagues.
• The wild cat is often unseen at work. They may have a history of withholding information or advancing ridiculous excuses for incomplete work and poor performance, about which they can be defensive. They may refuse to do some work, sabotage the work of others and reject being managed by anyone. They can attract undue management time and cause colleagues stress and frustration.
• The hyena can be rude, aggressive, domineering and negative about people, always blaming others and never taking responsibility for their own actions. There can be complaints about them, colleagues can become tense and disaffected, and sickness and absence rates can rise.

Most importantly, if you are embroiled in a constant conflict at work, you may not only get blamed for being "unable to handle the situation like a mature professional," you may be labeled as a "difficult" person, too. If the situation continues to deteriorate over time, the organization and your boss may tire of you, and you could lose your job.

So how can you keep yourself immune to these problem co-workers? An obvious way of dealing with traumatic people is to just stay away from them. And where this is feasible, it usually works.

However, there are four problems with this approach. One is that it's not always possible to avoid people, particularly if you work or live with them. Second, if you avoid people who are still in your orbit, you may find yourself looking over your shoulder to make sure they're not nearby. The third is that you don't learn how to deal with the person if you simply skirt around the problem. It won't help you to develop better coping strategies. And fourth, you could actually end up magnifying your stress when you do see them.

So, when avoidance doesn't do the trick, here are some tips for handling difficult people at work:

• Stand up to overly aggressive people. Like the hyena, stand up to them, but don't fight. Overly aggressive people expect others to either run away from them or react with rage. Your goal is simply to assertively express your own views, not try to win a battle of right and wrong. First, wait for the person to run out of some steam. Then call the person by name and assert your opinions with confidence.
• Beware of bad bosses. Bosses are in charge, whether you like it or not. If your intention is to keep your job, you will have to learn how to get along with an arrogant or controlling boss. If you need to confront your boss, avoid putting him or her on the defensive. This is too risky a situation to put yourself in.
• Take concrete action. Once you are fully aware of what is happening, deciding to live with the situation long-term is rarely an option. Your situation won't improve unless you do something about it. Let the co-worker in question knows that you are on to his or her game and that you will escalate it to a higher authority if necessary. Don't let the problem aggravate. Make sure to take action swiftly. You may eventually become so angry that your efforts to address the situation could become irrational. It's far better to tackle the problem while you can maintain some objectivity and emotional control.
• Never sink to their level. Some no-no's: sending anonymous notes, gossiping about the person or bad-mouthing him or her to the boss.
• Make the first move. If you approach a difficult person with the belief that he or she is as eager as you are to restore harmony, you can make the first move. Start your conversation with such as "I'm sorry for what I may have done to hurt you," or, "I could be wrong."
• Preserve your reputation. Constant complaining about the situation can quickly earn you the title of "office grouch." Managers might wonder why you're unable to solve your own problems, even if their tolerance of the situation is part of the problem. If you are embroiled in a constant conflict at work, you may end up getting blamed for other problems.
• Always agree to disagree. If you personally dislike a co-worker or boss, you can still learn from their opinions, viewpoints and ideas. If you can find something to appreciate about them, comment on it in a favorable way.

Remember, it's always better to check your fight, flight or freeze reactions and refuse to be a part of a duel in which you're an inadvertent participant. Sure, you need to stand up for yourself, but do so without demanding that you be above criticism at all costs. Remind yourself of your long-range goals: saving time, energy, hassle and maybe even your own hide.

The writer is a freelance training consultant. He can be reached at e-mail: sinder1866@yahoo.com.